Wednesday, December 20, 2006

It's Been A While



It's been a while since I've posted on this blog, but I think it's important to reflect quickly upon the happenings of last semester. I've had an amazing semester. It has been, without a doubt, the most intensive semester yet. I have worked hard at home, at work, and at school. I checked my grades today and I believe I did well. 3.78 is an admirable GPA, I think. I am not concerned about it, though. For once, I am truly happy. For once, my life has exceeded my expectations. I see so much loneliness and desperation around me. I can take comfort in the fact that I never have to worry about being alone. I have found, and continue to expand my group of friends that I trust and that return the love that I show them.

I am not without flaws, though. I continue to push to improve my sense of self, to overcome my addictions, to be more patient.

If nothing else is guaranteed, it is the fact that I will be able to write this entry again. I will be able to document my growth and my tribulations. Through it all, though, I'll have my love with me. Nothing can replace that.

Joshua

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

True Love

From the beginning of time, unknowing teenagers have asked others when will they know when they are truly in love. The same vague explanation has been given since then. “You’ll know when it happens.”

The truth is, though, that love is not indescribable. Instead, there isn’t enough words to describe it’s magnificent complexity. Your true love makes you feel warm, comfortable, safe, beautiful, and so much more. It’s overwhelming to think of the number of times I have smiled just at the thought of him.

No relationship will be seamless, though, not even true love. It takes compromise and heartache at times, but it weathers through it all. Too many people continue to live in heartache. Their days are constantly filled with rebuke from everyone surrounding them. I pray that my life with you will never be filled with these moments, but instead filled with joy and prosperity.

I feel your support in everything I do. Surely this is more important than anything else in my life. Nothing could make me feel better.

You tell me stories of drug houses, advantageous sexual thrills and of unfaithful behavior, and all I can think of is how happy you make me. All I can think of is how complete I feel when you’re near me.

Sunday, April 30, 2006

The Ride Along (Part II)



....
Just as our conversation was wrapping up, we received our first call. It was after midnight, and back up was needed at Studebaker West. The engine sped us to our destination, throwing me back in my seat. I understood why some might be afraid of his driving.

We pulled behind the first cop to arrive and I was told not to “… get in the middle of anything.” I trailed behind, trying not to get in the way or pressure the two males being questioned. I heard the first officer ask them how much they had to drink, but I could barely hear because I was so far back. I inconspicuously attempted to edge closer to the scene. Still 20 feet away from the officers I sat on the cold cement edge of the patio. I felt its smooth surface as I listened intently to what was happening. “There is an easy way and a hard way,” I was surprised to hear the officer say. The student continues to purse his lips, not daring to speak. He sits there, staring blankly at the police officer, afraid of what might happen if he admits to drinking. After collecting their IDs, the officer calls the station to run their names through the system. They’re clean. I can tell he is getting frustrated by their silence. “I mean come on,” the first officer said with a raised voice, “this is not a hard question. How much have you been drinking?” Silence still filled the area. Without a sign between the other officers, Honeycutt walked away from the scene.

He started towards his car; unsure of where he was going, I followed him with my eyes for only a second. I returned to staring at the young men and two other police officers quickly. I had to see what was going to happen next.. I continued to sit on the edge of the patio waiting for one of the students to break under the pressure of silence. Officer Honeycutt returned after only a moment. He carried with him two devices to test their breath for alcohol. The devices weren’t as accurate as breathalyzers, but they would do the job. Tyler, the guy on the left, never stopped arguing with the officers, even after both tested positive. Frustrated, I heard an officer say in a powerful voice, “I’m not here to debate anything with you, I could take you to jail!”

“I know that,” I heard Cameron, his friend, humbly say. He went on to explain, “I feel intimidated by you, I didn’t feel like I could tell you that I had something to drink, as a minor.” The officer replied almost reassuringly, “All you had to do, is tell the truth” Left with no choice, the first officer on the scene ticketed both of the students with underage drinking. I heard Cameron get choked up, he released a faint cry from his chapped lips and hunched over his lap, sitting limp on the edge of the patio. The first police officer explained to them what to do following their citation. When he was finished, the boys slowly walked away, and the group of police officers smiled. They recounted the events. “Ya, I was ready for you to let them go with a warning,” said one. “If they would have just told the truth…” I heard another say.

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Your Love

Your love encompasses me.
Your love pets me at night.
Your love takes care of me when I am sick.
Your love is only for me.
Your love for me is never ending.
I do not deserve your love.
You have done so much for me. I could never express what your love does.

My love for you is real.
My love for you is unmatched.
My love for you keeps growing.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Love Can Liberate



Maya Angelou has said, "If you want to liberate someone, love them." She went on to explain that unconditional love was needed. Unconditional Love. That's a powerful thing to give to someone. While few of us may ever accomplish unconditionally loving someone, let us ponder the power that it has.

If a friend doesn't appreciate what you do for them, and dares to love others who do nothing for him more, you love them. The annoying person who always sits next to you and never shuts up, you love them. The friend who sees you, but ignores you. Love them. The partner that is late to brunch, you love him.

What an amazing dream. What an amazing ideal. I will attempt to become more loving in my life, and I believe, through the help of my partner Steven, I have made progress. I am going to reach for more, though. Hopefully, whether I am informed of it later or not, I will have an effect on someone. Hopefully, someday, someone will be overwhelmed with my love. This feeling will give them the courage to live a happy, fulfilling life.

Someday.