Shame In Sex

Our society has a problem. It sees nothing hazardous in casual sexual experiences. It no longer prizes modesty and the exclusivity that making love once had. These wreckless actions not only cause distress by opening yourself up to disease and heartache, but cheapens the entire act. The same can be said of making out with random people at parties. What is saved for your partner? What do they get from you that no one else has gotten from you?

While, in the past, I have engaged in selective casual experiences, I am now put into the position to tell the love of my life that he was not the only man I've messed around with. I feel shame for this. He has explicitly denied others who have tried to engage him in any sexual activity. While I have denied others and saved making love to him, I regret not holding on to more special moments. These unique and special connection allows a couple to become closer, and to appreciate sex more.

I used to be confused by people who don't kiss anyone until marriage. Now it makes me smile. Someone is so committed to making their love special that they give up kissing boyfriends until marriage. That's amazing, and I applaud them.

I see promiscuity, devaluing of women (into purely sexual creatures), and cheating. It saddens me. Challenge yourself to protect yourself. Protect yourself from disease, from being devalued, from being preyed upon by those who hold a power of you by setting barriers. Do not negotiate.

Love yourself, completely, before you share yourself with another. It takes a thoughtful man, it takes a life partner to make your complete, so wait for him. It will be amazing, even if neither has experience. Part of the advantage of discovering yourself with your life mate is that there is no pressure to do something you are not comfortable doing and that you can discover yourself with them. You can realize new things about yourself and what you like with them. It's beautiful.

Love is Constant

I just had an engaging and unique experience with Steven.  All I can say is that love is constant.  Many things in love vary. They change person to person. They change over time. Its unity and consistancy doesn't. Ever.

My love for Steven has made many things change.  While we were watching Madea's Family Reunion I had a realization.  I couldn't believe it. We were watching a comedy together and it was expanding my view on love and spirituality. The grandma was discussing God, just like she always does. When she did this she spoke to something inside of me.  

My faith in God has been gone for a long time.  It is difficult for me to explain my love for Steven without a reference to a higher being.  Something so perfect, and so complete must be employed through God.  Love cound't have been simply a development in evolution. It was a gift. It was sanctioned to be something so pure that it must be shared. I refuse to believe it was chance that we found each other.  I refuse to believe that something flawless originated from something tainted.  

I pity those that will never feel love in this way.  Their loss is stifling, but their ignorance will shield them from harm. 

In short, love expands horizons, opens eyes, and permanently connects two people. 

I Have It All

How many can say that they have it all? That they have everything they ever need to make them happy. I can. I have my amazing boyfriend Steven, I have close friends, I am excelling in school, I have a supportive family. Steven would do anything for me, and likewise, I would give anything to be with him. My friends are here for me when I need them. We are able to be honest with each other and listen to each other gripe about school, or boast about our week. My grades are doing exceptional. I am currently a member of two honors societies, and my grades continue to increase. Even more importantly, the schoolwork is allowing me to expand my horizons. It allows me to learn new things. My family has been there for me. It took Steven to help show me, but they have. I couldn't ask for more. They may be extremely religious, but they love me unconditionally. Every aspect of my life is growing and developing into something of even greater importance.

How have I gotten this far? I attribute it to working hard. I can't help how my family acts, so that's just a blessing. I can affect everything else, though. Steven and I have a healthy, loving, committed relationship because of the work we have put into developing our morals, expectations, and standards throughout our life. We are in similar places in life, but with individual perspectives on issues. This allows us to help each other grow. We both work to keep this relationship healthy. It does take time! To have a strong connection with each other communication is one element that is needed. We have that. He makes me indescribably secure, loved.... just loved.

My friends are a gift to me. Kyle and I are close, especially now that we are living together, but we've had our tussles. Believe me. We've had some throwdown fights y'all. Through it all, though, we're still friends. We're able to tell each other what we feel (usually) and that allows us to be friends. I can only see our friendship getting strong once we are both not in the same room with each other all the time. Heather and I also have an amazing friendship. She always has this perky attitude about her. Even when life sucks, she makes it work. She is one of the most giving people I know. She'll help you regardless of how busy she is. This quality about her amazes me, and I deeply appreciate her constant efforts to help others. I have many other close friends that don't go to BSU. Martin and I just recently re-connected. We had been friends for a long time, but didnt actually talk for a long time. Now, we have that communication, and that mutual bond between each other and it's letting our relationship grow. I can't explain how amazing my friends make me feel.

My family has never been very strong. We don't have a "we'll always be family" ethic about us. Regardless, they still love me deeply. At first, when I was coming out, I was upset that they were still religious. They were going to the church that betrayed me. That only made it more difficult to come out. I resented them. My Dad throughout made me feel loved, though. Once again, we've had some throwdowns about religion, and some intelligent conversation about it as well. Throughout time I have come to appreciate his deep love for me along with his reliance and belief in his faith. I am probably closest to my father, but my grandparents are amazing. I could call them up right now. Anytime, and they would help me. They would take me to where I need to go. My grandparents only listen to Christian music or to religious ceremonies in their car. Initially I had difficulties understanding them, but I can now appreciate their faith. I understand them better, and I am very thankful that I can comprehend their reasons for doing things now.