joshua in love

Iraq War (My Thoughts)

2007-02-25T14:32:00.000-05:00

Upon reviewing news outlets' coverage on the war in Iraq, it is evident that the atrocities in Iraq continue to escalate. Senators, Republicans and Democratic alike have plans on how to solve this debacle. Some say that withdrawal in one year is necessary, while others advocate an increase in troop levels. The effects of this war go beyond simply troop levels, though. Billions of dollars have been spent in combatting America's enemies in Iraq and many claim that civil war is on the horizon in Iraq.

According to reports from ABC News conflicts among Shia and Shiites continue to escalate, and American troops are desperately trying to regain control of Baghdad. The President and many others, though, claim if we were to "cut and run" it would only end in a civil war. I fail to see the enormous consequences of civil war, though. America had to go through a civil war to find itself. France, as well is known for its French Revolution. Some may argue that civil war will occur if America pulls out of Iraq, but I contend that while it may occur if we pull out, it is happening now already, it was happening when we began our war in Iraq (in a much smaller factor), and it will happen until Iraq finds a balance. America cannot control this balance, Iraq will find it on its own.

It's Been A While

2006-12-20T13:33:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I've posted on this blog, but I think it's important to reflect quickly upon the happenings of last semester. I've had an amazing semester. It has been, without a doubt, the most intensive semester yet. I have worked hard at home, at work, and at school. I checked my grades today and I believe I did well. 3.78 is an admirable GPA, I think. I am not concerned about it, though. For once, I am truly happy. For once, my life has exceeded my expectations. I see so much loneliness and desperation around me. I can take comfort in the fact that I never have to worry about being alone. I have found, and continue to expand my group of friends that I trust and that return the love that I show them.

I am not without flaws, though. I continue to push to improve my sense of self, to overcome my addictions, to be more patient.

If nothing else is guaranteed, it is the fact that I will be able to write this entry again. I will be able to document my growth and my tribulations. Through it all, though, I'll have my love with me. Nothing can replace that.

Joshua

True Love

2006-08-08T13:45:00.000-04:00

From the beginning of time, unknowing teenagers have asked others when will they know when they are truly in love. The same vague explanation has been given since then. “You’ll know when it happens.”

The truth is, though, that love is not indescribable. Instead, there isn’t enough words to describe it’s magnificent complexity. Your true love makes you feel warm, comfortable, safe, beautiful, and so much more. It’s overwhelming to think of the number of times I have smiled just at the thought of him.

No relationship will be seamless, though, not even true love. It takes compromise and heartache at times, but it weathers through it all. Too many people continue to live in heartache. Their days are constantly filled with rebuke from everyone surrounding them. I pray that my life with you will never be filled with these moments, but instead filled with joy and prosperity.

I feel your support in everything I do. Surely this is more important than anything else in my life. Nothing could make me feel better.

You tell me stories of drug houses, advantageous sexual thrills and of unfaithful behavior, and all I can think of is how happy you make me. All I can think of is how complete I feel when you’re near me.

The Ride Along (Part II)

2006-04-30T20:48:00.000-04:00

....
Just as our conversation was wrapping up, we received our first call. It was after midnight, and back up was needed at Studebaker West. The engine sped us to our destination, throwing me back in my seat. I understood why some might be afraid of his driving.

We pulled behind the first cop to arrive and I was told not to “… get in the middle of anything.” I trailed behind, trying not to get in the way or pressure the two males being questioned. I heard the first officer ask them how much they had to drink, but I could barely hear because I was so far back. I inconspicuously attempted to edge closer to the scene. Still 20 feet away from the officers I sat on the cold cement edge of the patio. I felt its smooth surface as I listened intently to what was happening. “There is an easy way and a hard way,” I was surprised to hear the officer say. The student continues to purse his lips, not daring to speak. He sits there, staring blankly at the police officer, afraid of what might happen if he admits to drinking. After collecting their IDs, the officer calls the station to run their names through the system. They’re clean. I can tell he is getting frustrated by their silence. “I mean come on,” the first officer said with a raised voice, “this is not a hard question. How much have you been drinking?” Silence still filled the area. Without a sign between the other officers, Honeycutt walked away from the scene.

He started towards his car; unsure of where he was going, I followed him with my eyes for only a second. I returned to staring at the young men and two other police officers quickly. I had to see what was going to happen next.. I continued to sit on the edge of the patio waiting for one of the students to break under the pressure of silence. Officer Honeycutt returned after only a moment. He carried with him two devices to test their breath for alcohol. The devices weren’t as accurate as breathalyzers, but they would do the job. Tyler, the guy on the left, never stopped arguing with the officers, even after both tested positive. Frustrated, I heard an officer say in a powerful voice, “I’m not here to debate anything with you, I could take you to jail!”

“I know that,” I heard Cameron, his friend, humbly say. He went on to explain, “I feel intimidated by you, I didn’t feel like I could tell you that I had something to drink, as a minor.” The officer replied almost reassuringly, “All you had to do, is tell the truth” Left with no choice, the first officer on the scene ticketed both of the students with underage drinking. I heard Cameron get choked up, he released a faint cry from his chapped lips and hunched over his lap, sitting limp on the edge of the patio. The first police officer explained to them what to do following their citation. When he was finished, the boys slowly walked away, and the group of police officers smiled. They recounted the events. “Ya, I was ready for you to let them go with a warning,” said one. “If they would have just told the truth…” I heard another say.

Your Love

2006-04-29T09:33:00.000-04:00

Your love encompasses me.
Your love pets me at night.
Your love takes care of me when I am sick.
Your love is only for me.
Your love for me is never ending.
I do not deserve your love.
You have done so much for me. I could never express what your love does.

My love for you is real.
My love for you is unmatched.
My love for you keeps growing.

Love Can Liberate

2006-04-25T14:33:00.000-04:00

Maya Angelou has said, "If you want to liberate someone, love them." She went on to explain that unconditional love was needed. Unconditional Love. That's a powerful thing to give to someone. While few of us may ever accomplish unconditionally loving someone, let us ponder the power that it has.

If a friend doesn't appreciate what you do for them, and dares to love others who do nothing for him more, you love them. The annoying person who always sits next to you and never shuts up, you love them. The friend who sees you, but ignores you. Love them. The partner that is late to brunch, you love him.

What an amazing dream. What an amazing ideal. I will attempt to become more loving in my life, and I believe, through the help of my partner Steven, I have made progress. I am going to reach for more, though. Hopefully, whether I am informed of it later or not, I will have an effect on someone. Hopefully, someday, someone will be overwhelmed with my love. This feeling will give them the courage to live a happy, fulfilling life.

Someday.

Effects of Promiscuity

2006-04-20T16:19:00.000-04:00

I was headed to the police station for my ride along, but I was early, so I stopped in at the student center to go to the bathroom. I opened the heavy wood door to the Men's Restroom and walked in. Three urinals lined the inside wall. A condom was floating in the first urinal. I was shocked by this open display of promiscuity. The carelessness of discovery. When will some people develop decency?

I pondered the results of this encounter, and many others that occur nationwide--worldwide. This promiscuity leads to STDs and government intervention with health costs. While I certainly do not condemn America providing those with HIV help, I find it disheartening that those who are infected with it through repeated actions of promiscuity do not realize their life ending behavior (before and after they discover they are positive). No one can draw a line of when it is acceptable to withdraw medical assistance to those that choose to live such a lifestyle. The only thing that our government, and all of us can do, is to educate others. I know of no other solution to this problem.

The Ride Along

2006-04-20T01:05:00.000-04:00

I approached the house at five minutes to 11 PM. It was April 13th, a dark Thursday night. The smell of someone grilling grew stronger as I approached the police house, now shadowed with orange lights to keep the area bright. I walked in the door and attempted to use the intercom. I stared stupidly at the metal box, waiting for some sign that it was working (Figure 3). I heard a clicking to my right and saw through the glass openings of the door that someone was unlocking it. I opened the white door, and explained why I was there. The lady told me to wait in the waiting room until the briefing was finished, a silver stud pierced through her nose distracted my attention as it shined by the fluorescent lights.

I hear people entering and exiting in the back of the house as I rely on Michael Jackson’s music video Thriller to entertain me. I hear an officer in the back offering rice krispies to the other officers as the cheesy plot of the video makes me smile. I didn’t know what to expect, I mean, I’ve seen Cops, I know what happens on ride alongs, but what was going to happen to me. I secretly wished for something horrible to happen. I had a commitment to my readers, after all. I took the time while I was waiting to come up with ridiculous possibilities of the nights events; it helped the time pass after the music video ended.

Finally, Officer Honeycutt came out and took me out to his car, I was surprised to find that there was a JVC brand cd player in the dash. I always assumed that police cruisers didn’t have a stereo in the car. I didn’t inquire about the stereo as I sat awkwardly in the chair waiting for something to happen. It was 11:41 PM before the wheels finally started to roll, my heart, on the other hand, had already been reeling for over an hour.

The engine roared as Officer Honeycutt told me not to tell him if I get scared of his driving.When we get a “hot call,” “… [you can] be scared, when I get scared,” he said. A “hot call,” is when the officer gets to speed and run through lights during an emergency. “I trust my driving, and if you tell me that you are scared, it’ll distract me. I have to scan more when I drive like that,” he explained. Doubtful that I would afraid of his driving. I still showed my support for his driving by referencing a video I saw, “Ya, I understand, I saw a documentary on The Discovery Channel, I think, about the increased training that police officers have for driving,” I paused, rethinking where I saw it. “Or was it Police Academy?” I jokingly questioned myself. I shrugged my shoulders and the purr of the engine returned to the foreground.

The Interview (Part II of "The Police House")

2006-04-10T09:06:00.000-04:00

I quickly scribbled it down before asking him to describe the police subculture. He stopped me, though, and took control of the progress of the interview. He wanted to discuss the history of the police subculture first. This way, he explained, we could see how it has developed over time. I willingly conceded and allowed him to navigate the conversation. He was an expert, after all.

Mr. Fey referenced three former key aspects of the policing subculture. There is the political aspect, “being on the take,” and “street justice,” he explained to me. I was confused and yet excited. I knew that insider terms were desirable, but I had no idea what “being on the take” was. I asked him the next chance I had. He defined it for me by putting it into a real world situation. “We’ll help your retirement if you look the other way,” he explained. I listened intently while flicking my blue pen in between my fingers. He made sure I understood that “being on the take” involved the exchange of goods for favors before he pointed out that all three aspects dramatically lessened over time.

While “street justice” is insider language, it is easy to comprehend the meaning. “Street justice” involves police officers beating someone up instead of arresting them for a crime. Mr. Fey once again called upon a hypothetical situation to illustrate his point. He said that the officers had a choice, that they could take a criminal to jail, have him be a burden on the taxpayers, “or just plain kick his ass.” He then said, “And are they going to learn their lesson?” Silence fell upon the room. I opened my mouth after a second or two to answer, but I was interrupted. “Of course they will,” he finished. Internally, I cringed at what seemed to be Mr. Fey’s rationalization of “street justice.” I highlighted, in my mind, how he obviously did not mention the nuisance of filing stacks of paperwork in regards to the police officers’ decision. Ultimately, the police officer decides to commit a crime, or to arrest someone for their illegal activity. There is no rationale for breaking the law when you are entrusted to enforce it.

After he brought up “street justice” several more times throughout the interview I finally confronted him. “If beating someone up is teaching them their lesson then why is our crime rate still so high?” He was silent so I continued, “I understand that it significantly decreased in the 1990s, but if police are truly teaching these criminals their lessons, then they would stop committing crime in the future, which is obviously not the case. Therefore, street justice isn’t accomplishing anything is it?” Mr. Fey sat there flabbergasted. I pompously looked into his eyes and started to catch my breath. The room was quiet, yet the silence was reverberating. We were alone, and the noise from his assistant in the next room seemed to slow to a stop. Confidently, I observed him, my chin high in the air and my ideals unwavering in the face of law enforcement. No one said anything for what seemed like an eternity. We sized each other up, and I knew, at that moment, that we had an understanding. He started to clarify his position, but I stopped him. “I understand what you mean, though,” I said. We continued to stare, for just a second longer. We moved on to the political aspect now, him feeling satisfied with my response, and me never feeling so defiant or free in my life.

The Police House

2006-04-03T08:54:00.000-04:00

Police cruisers surround the ragged white house. Slate colored shutters define the front windows. An old air conditioner juts above overgrown bushes originally meant to embellish the house. They now stand disfigured after years of abuse. Next to the back door, cigarettes float in a puddle of water. The Ball State University Police Department resides here.

I arranged to meet Mr. Fey at this tattered white house on a windy Tuesday morning. He is the associate director of public safety, and has been a police officer for thirty years. My father knew him, and helped to make all of the arrangements. The sun began to drive through the heavy clouds as I walked through the front door. I was promptly greeted by the secretary. She stood behind a clear plastic divider, just like one you find in prisons.

She pointed me towards a room, and told me to wait there until he was ready to see me. I walked through a door and to my right was the waiting room. I sat nervously in the chair waiting to be attended to.

Mr. Robert Fey appeared after only a minute or two and ushered me into his office. Its beige walls were sterile and plain. There were bookshelves on the back wall and mini-blinds on the window. Books and knick knacks littered the shelves. He wore a suit. His red tie shot from the grey chasm and commandeered my attention. My pen was pressed to the notebook I brought. I waited eagerly for him to say something profound so I could record it. With a nod of his head and confidence in his voice, he started the interview. “Let’s hit it.” Finally, I had something to write.

Shame In Sex

2006-03-24T15:35:00.000-05:00

Our society has a problem. It sees nothing hazardous in casual sexual experiences. It no longer prizes modesty and the exclusivity that making love once had. These wreckless actions not only cause distress by opening yourself up to disease and heartache, but cheapens the entire act. The same can be said of making out with random people at parties. What is saved for your partner? What do they get from you that no one else has gotten from you?

While, in the past, I have engaged in selective casual experiences, I am now put into the position to tell the love of my life that he was not the only man I've messed around with. I feel shame for this. He has explicitly denied others who have tried to engage him in any sexual activity. While I have denied others and saved making love to him, I regret not holding on to more special moments. These unique and special connection allows a couple to become closer, and to appreciate sex more.

I used to be confused by people who don't kiss anyone until marriage. Now it makes me smile. Someone is so committed to making their love special that they give up kissing boyfriends until marriage. That's amazing, and I applaud them.

I see promiscuity, devaluing of women (into purely sexual creatures), and cheating. It saddens me. Challenge yourself to protect yourself. Protect yourself from disease, from being devalued, from being preyed upon by those who hold a power of you by setting barriers. Do not negotiate.

Love yourself, completely, before you share yourself with another. It takes a thoughtful man, it takes a life partner to make your complete, so wait for him. It will be amazing, even if neither has experience. Part of the advantage of discovering yourself with your life mate is that there is no pressure to do something you are not comfortable doing and that you can discover yourself with them. You can realize new things about yourself and what you like with them. It's beautiful.

Love is Constant

2006-03-08T00:49:00.000-05:00

I just had an engaging and unique experience with Steven. All I can say is that love is constant. Many things in love vary. They change person to person. They change over time. Its unity and consistancy doesn't. Ever.

My love for Steven has made many things change. While we were watching Madea's Family Reunion I had a realization. I couldn't believe it. We were watching a comedy together and it was expanding my view on love and spirituality. The grandma was discussing God, just like she always does. When she did this she spoke to something inside of me.

My faith in God has been gone for a long time. It is difficult for me to explain my love for Steven without a reference to a higher being. Something so perfect, and so complete must be employed through God. Love cound't have been simply a development in evolution. It was a gift. It was sanctioned to be something so pure that it must be shared. I refuse to believe it was chance that we found each other. I refuse to believe that something flawless originated from something tainted.

I pity those that will never feel love in this way. Their loss is stifling, but their ignorance will shield them from harm.

In short, love expands horizons, opens eyes, and permanently connects two people.

I Have It All

2006-03-02T08:09:00.000-05:00

How many can say that they have it all? That they have everything they ever need to make them happy. I can. I have my amazing boyfriend Steven, I have close friends, I am excelling in school, I have a supportive family. Steven would do anything for me, and likewise, I would give anything to be with him. My friends are here for me when I need them. We are able to be honest with each other and listen to each other gripe about school, or boast about our week. My grades are doing exceptional. I am currently a member of two honors societies, and my grades continue to increase. Even more importantly, the schoolwork is allowing me to expand my horizons. It allows me to learn new things. My family has been there for me. It took Steven to help show me, but they have. I couldn't ask for more. They may be extremely religious, but they love me unconditionally. Every aspect of my life is growing and developing into something of even greater importance.

How have I gotten this far? I attribute it to working hard. I can't help how my family acts, so that's just a blessing. I can affect everything else, though. Steven and I have a healthy, loving, committed relationship because of the work we have put into developing our morals, expectations, and standards throughout our life. We are in similar places in life, but with individual perspectives on issues. This allows us to help each other grow. We both work to keep this relationship healthy. It does take time! To have a strong connection with each other communication is one element that is needed. We have that. He makes me indescribably secure, loved.... just loved.

My friends are a gift to me. Kyle and I are close, especially now that we are living together, but we've had our tussles. Believe me. We've had some throwdown fights y'all. Through it all, though, we're still friends. We're able to tell each other what we feel (usually) and that allows us to be friends. I can only see our friendship getting strong once we are both not in the same room with each other all the time. Heather and I also have an amazing friendship. She always has this perky attitude about her. Even when life sucks, she makes it work. She is one of the most giving people I know. She'll help you regardless of how busy she is. This quality about her amazes me, and I deeply appreciate her constant efforts to help others. I have many other close friends that don't go to BSU. Martin and I just recently re-connected. We had been friends for a long time, but didnt actually talk for a long time. Now, we have that communication, and that mutual bond between each other and it's letting our relationship grow. I can't explain how amazing my friends make me feel.

My family has never been very strong. We don't have a "we'll always be family" ethic about us. Regardless, they still love me deeply. At first, when I was coming out, I was upset that they were still religious. They were going to the church that betrayed me. That only made it more difficult to come out. I resented them. My Dad throughout made me feel loved, though. Once again, we've had some throwdowns about religion, and some intelligent conversation about it as well. Throughout time I have come to appreciate his deep love for me along with his reliance and belief in his faith. I am probably closest to my father, but my grandparents are amazing. I could call them up right now. Anytime, and they would help me. They would take me to where I need to go. My grandparents only listen to Christian music or to religious ceremonies in their car. Initially I had difficulties understanding them, but I can now appreciate their faith. I understand them better, and I am very thankful that I can comprehend their reasons for doing things now.

Wire-Tapping

2006-02-19T23:19:00.000-05:00

Some are concerned about their privacy in the light of the revelation that the government is reviewing email, phone, and library records without prior consent. how! why! People are afraid for their privacy. Perhaps they should be. I have things I don't want others to know. Everybody does. We've all broken the law before. Could this foreshadow something even more profound? The government keeping tabs on its citizens, making sure they are following its laws.

Some ask where does this end? These privacy concerns, while important, should be factored against critical security issues. America is hated by the Arab world. Some may claim that it is because of our direct actions toward them. This may seem true, but the actions of the entire Arab world towards America because of Danish cartoons reveal their true intentions. They burn American flags in protest. They burn American companies in protest. They destruct anything that has an opposing view that they do. They cannot comprehend diversity. American efforts to foster democracy is a joke. It will never succeed. Why? The people aren't ready for it.

The powerful dictatorships. The genocide of cultures. Hate is taught to these people. The environment they live in brews hate towards our culture irregardless of our actions. If we were to increase our foreign aid of their countries, not only would they accept it, they would despise us even more. Their expectations are as high for us as they are for their battered wives. As their murdered homosexuals. As their corrupt officials. Peace has no chance of survival in this environment.

Because peace has no chance in their culture we must protect ourselves. They have proved their intention. They have proved their capability. We have proved our ability to be unified. We proved our ability to defend ourselves. Let's not waste that now. Sacrifices must be made to ensure a safe nation from a fanatical nation hell-bent on our destruction. Their mission may seem sensationalized and fictitious, but its consequences are real. Let's not waste this oppurtunity.

Education

2006-02-13T15:02:00.000-05:00

We should all strive for more.

It saddens me to see highschool students giving up on school. Coasting by. A decision to prosper later in life must be chosen. It isn't easy for everyone to graduate highschool. It isn't easy for everyone to graduate college. It still must be strived for.

In order to achieve this success you must believe in yourself. You must have an indistinguishable fire deep within your heart. Not everyone will make it to the level that I am at right now. I will not make it to the level that others have. I don't claim to be the smartest, wisest, or best looking person. I claim, though, to have achieved all that I have due to my determination and my parenting. More people need to strive for where I am. More people need to strive past me, and then accomplish it.

Predjudice: Is My Own, Is Our Own

2006-02-07T16:20:00.000-05:00

I have spent a lot amount of time writing this blog entry. Contemplating my life, upbringing, and the society around me. Why does our society ridicule overweight people? Why does our society revere those with defined bodies?

Experts lecture us about "being healthy". Diet commercials reassure us we can get even tinier. Why loose the extra 5 lbs.?

This pressure we all feel is petty. Meaningless. There are more important things to worry about than tweaking our bodies. Isn't there?

We living in a society with a diverse collection of people. Many celebrate it. So how do we act towards those that are different? Towards those that put a higher priority on other things? I'm sure you will agree that respect is often lacking. How does our society act towards obese people? How do you act towards those who are obese? Through contemplation, and the help of my boyfriend Steve, I realized how I acted towards those who are chronically obese. How I acted was commonplace. I treated them kind, but superficially. I saw them as less than ourselves.

What caused them to be obese? Given the pressures of society, it certainly wasn't by choice. The actual cause of this condition, while unique for each person, is irrelavent. I long for the day, when everyone will realize what I have. The day where everyone will look beyond initial appearances. The day when the judgement of character will depend on actions, not on waist line or dress size.

As a final note, this change in me makes me glad that I am not a static being. That I allow myself to expand my perspectives and attitude. This is why it is important to change, to grow. As humans we must experience life. We must allow ourselves to spread our branches as our roots continue to dig deeper into the soil, grounding us in who we are.

Oh, Here You Are

2006-01-30T23:39:00.000-05:00

Comfortable in my position on this floor, and in my sexuality I put up signs all over my door. One read i heart steve, another read Sorry, I'm an Economics Major. Kyle repeatedly hung my "i heart steve" sign on the inside of the door. I confronted him about it. I wanted that sign on the front of my door. I wanted to scream it from the top of the building. Nothing was going to stop me from saying it. Everyone already knows I'm gay. Who cares!?

The second night it stayed out on the door. The ignorance of some members on my floor became apparent. I got up from my bed to go to the bathroom quickly, then I would return to Steve. It was Sunday morning. I looked at my door and someone had written on a watercolor my little brother Matt made for me. It read, "Hello Ma, I suck dick for nickels." The message annoyed me, I'll admit. The main reason for my frusteration was that they wrote it on the drawing my little brother did for me. He made that just for me!

I replied to the message. My response enlisted the use of such phrases as "gigantic loose pussy" and "just knock." I was shocked by the response to such a special gesture. I don't hit on the guys on the floor, don't stare in their rooms as I walk by. In fact, I go out of my way to not see anything in the showers, out of respect for them. In fact, my communication with people on my floor seems to be mainly limited to the other gay guys on the floor.

While this certainly doesn't toss me into a level of depression, it may toss me into a sense of activism. If someone feels so threatened by that sign, what does that say about our society? A society unable to tolerate love.

Super What?

2006-01-27T14:05:00.000-05:00

Things really have changed. My beliefs in social programs, my friends, who I trust, how I spend my time, where I live. It's all been altered. I always find it fascinating how quickly life can change. Amazingly, throughout all this change I still have amazing people to support me. I love them for this. I honestly don't know what I would do without my Dad. I would be so lost. He sees things so clearly. He's the best person for advice.

College doesn't just educate you about what is going on in the world. It throws you into society, this is why I think it is so important to live in the dorms. To get away from home. You learn about people in real life. You learn from people. No longer are your parents there to pick up the check, to take care of everything, to protect you. Looking at others' flaws you have the ability to see your own.

With my father, while he may not protect me, I am able to go to him for counsel. That's what is important. I know one day, he will leave me. I hope this day is in years from now, but he will leave someday. I will have no control over when this occurs, but something does give me hope. I see similarities in Steve and my Father. I know he will be there when the time comes to oversee me. He wouldn't leave my side.

I Love all of my friends, and while I don't love them all equally, I greatly appreciate their commitment to me.

Love,

Joshua

one more thing...

2006-01-24T17:03:00.000-05:00

Oh. one more thing.

Don't criticize my choice of ex-boyfriends simply because of their age. Those that criticize my choice of them, I think it's really ironic, have the suckiest love life. Maybe all of you that are so close-minded about it should take a few cues from me and perhaps you could be as happy as I am with my boyfriend one day. When you make decisions solely based on people's appearance, it not only shows how shallow you really are, but you end up alone.

So, Cheers!

Ground Rules

2006-01-24T13:40:00.000-05:00

I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me

I'm just going to lay down some shit right now, because right now, I'm feelin' it.

Don't talk shit and expect me to always take it.
Don't lie to me. ever again.
Some people never change.
Don't be a hypocrite.
Don't be wishy-washy.

This is not going to be one of those bullshit, "I'm done" posts. Or one of those fake, "I'm going to do _____ from now on." This is a post to simplify my feelings from the last few days. While things change so quickly in my life I'm glad I have constants in my life: Steve, Heather, etc.

P.S. >> Isn't that ring gorgeous!!! Steven gave it to me just because (well, so i could have a constant reminder of his love).... count 'em 30 diamonds.

God

2006-01-20T14:48:00.000-05:00

I have been reading my history books and I have come to a realization. The Bible was written by a bunch of stupid mofos. I'm sorry, and I know most reading this won't agree with me, but honestly. These people don't even know how to read and we are citing them as credible sources. It may have seemed like all the water was turned into wine to the people around, but poof, a quick switch-a-roo and it's even better.

Moses' rod turned into a snake!! Oh!! Pretty sure if David Copperfield can make the Eiffel Tower disappear, that he could do that too.

It just doesn't make sense to me. It's not logical. That's faith. But, this is logic.

I'm Not A Spiritual Person

2006-01-14T16:56:00.000-05:00

I am not a spiritual person, and yet I am up at 1 am thinking about true love and my boyfriend. Could love be destined? Is there really a one and only?

I remember I asked my Mom and Dad once if they believed one could ever truly love more than one person in their lives. If I remember right they both said yes after an extended explanation.

I know this defies reason and what I've been thinking all my life, but I honestly believe, with a doubt, that I have found my true love. I have never and could never love someone like him. He helps me become a better person. He makes me want to be a better person.

Ever since my belief in God has been shaken I have pondered on love. I eventually came to the conclusion that there was no such thing as destiny. I concluded that love was simply possessing the right characteristics, with the right person, at the right time.

There is nothing simple about it, though. Love isn't simply anything. Love is love. Love is fulfilling. Love is all encompassing. Love is forever.

Upon thinking about my own question further I have come to the realization that true love is forever. True love.

You may love someone, break up with them, and love someone new. In true love that could never the case. With true love, only they could fill that coid. Only the look on their face can bring you joy. Only the touch of their fingertips bring you pleasure.

I am blessed. I have found this love.

Leave The "Driving" To Us (Part 4)

2006-01-08T22:12:00.000-05:00

Desperate, I walked around the mall. "Ohh. Cute. A Build-A-Bear Workshop. There must be a God. I walked my ass in there as fast as I could and stressed for a bit over which animal to make. I already knew who I was going to make one for.

Finally, I found one. A small, cuddly lion. I waited in line behind a little boy who was making a dog with his dad. It was so cute. When the puppy "took a shower" and he got to choose whether he wanted him to smell like vanilla or cinnamin he giggled and ran around in between his father's legs. adorable. I thought of how fresh it was to see a father taking an active role in his child's life while I waited. What a good dad.

It was finally my turn and I got to make my lion. I was definitely in the mood to skip over the kiddish attributes of making an animal. I really didn't want to kiss the hearts and see him taking a shower. I cut the employee off when she was doing all of them. "It's much more enchanting for 6 year olds, I'm sure," I said.

I named my lion Leo and made his birth certificate at the coputer before paying for it. I headed back to the Bus and wrote this account. It's 20 after 7 and the new bus still hasn't shown. Here's hoping it will arrive in a second so I can go hang with Steven at the movies until the morning light.

8:45 - They still haven't come. All my tech is about to die. I don't understand how it could take 4 hours to get here. Ever. Shoot Me! My night is never going to end. I can't sleep on this bus, I'm afraid I'll miss my exit. Get here and take me home goddammit. President Bush responds to disasters faster!

9:20 - They arrived! I heard people in the front get excited. I heard people in the back scream "about time". The passengers around me called their family members relieved. We were all excited to be moving and to be coming home.

11:00(ish) - I arrived in Anderson, IN. I was greeted by Steve and Natty. Steven gave me a huge hug. We held each other for several minutes. Both of us thankful that I arrived, finally. They took me home. I love both of them dearly.

This experience attempts to show how frusterating life can be at times. In the end, though, the very end, things work out when you have loving friends and a boo as good as mine.

Leave The "Driving" To Us (Part 3)

2006-01-03T19:59:00.000-05:00

A new rumor had just started. Her license plate had expired. No. Her license had been suspended in Michigan. "Well, who cares, we're in Ohio," I heard one say. The driver came back into the bus. She said that her license had been n suspended in Michigan for a car that she no longer owns. She doesn't understand all of this, but she cannot drive any further. I call Natty and talk to him and my boo about all of it. Steve tells me not to be frustrated. "Everything will work out." At the time I'm still pretty cool about the situation, though, and I brush off his comments. Little did I know how important they really were. The cop then comes in the bus and yells to get our attention. We are pissed already. He tells us the story again. He tells us that he cannot allow her to drive any further because if she were to get in a crash they could sue his division. ("What a comforting notion - I'd let u go but I may get sued...") He followed us to the mall at the next exit. We waited for a driver from Detroit to drive us the rest of the way. They told us it would take 2 hours. I began wishing we were back in Toledo, even the smell of the bus station that took my breath away was better than this. 2 Hours!!

I called Natty again and was ready to bitch to my boo about this entire situation. At this time my humor in the situation faded completely. I was pissed. "I'm so glad that the trooper dropped us off at the mall here in Defiance, I am surrounded by Bob Evans and Sears. Where the fuck am I supposed to go!?" Frantic, an idea came to me. I should record this down. "Imma come back with a story to tell!!!" I said excitedly.

I went into the mall looking at the stuff at the dollar tree. I only got what I needed. A pen, paper, and handfulls of candy. Dinner and my needed tools for under 10 bucks. So fresh!

I was bummed out 'cause they were out of gummi candies when I was crunching on stale Mentos. A Bath and Body Works!! I walked into the store thinking this who situation may not be as bad as I thought it would be. I walked out of the store with 75% their deep hydration conditioner and some hand repair coconut lime verbana lotion. I checked my phone every few minutes. I didn't want to miss my bus. We shouldn't be here for too long. My battery was increasingly getting lower and I started to freak out. I continued walking about the Mall, working on my man-strut in Hicksville. "God, there must be a GAP here... somewhere."

My spirits were increasing. "After I walk through this mall and record this down it'll be time to go. No problem." Boy, I was wrong.

Leave The "Driving" To Us (Part 2)

2006-01-01T02:39:00.000-05:00

I looked over to the bus driver as we pulled over to the side of the road. I started looking around the bus while turning down my iPod eager to hear news on what was happening. I heard the people towards the front join the chorus with the driver that she couldn't have been speeding. "No... No... you couldn't have been speeding... I saw...". The mysterious nature in the bus reached new levels as we waited for the officer to get out of his car and talk to the driver on the side of the road.

There were no formalities exchanged. The first thing the patrolman said when he arrived was to move over so we were completely off of I-24. We complied. Word then got around that we were pulled over because we were too close to the car in front of us. The story started pouring out once word hit the passengers. The person in front of me pointed out that we were in rural Ohio. "We are in Ohio. mmhmm. People are really prejudice here." Another passenger offered another perspective on why we were pulled over, "He saw a woman driving a bus and he needs to get his quota of tickets."

The patrolman returned to the side of the bus to ask for her lisence and registration. She quickly gave it to him as people loudly protested us being pulled over. us. a greyhound. The drive continued to maintain her innocence, talking about how she just got out of the light so she couldn't have been tailgating him. She had, after all, received every ticket she had gotten on this stretch of road. I relaxed in my seat, smiling at the situation, but eager to return to the road. I had plans that night, I had only so much battery time left on my iPod and cell phone. I had to ration off my battery so i turned off my episode of Lost that I had just started to watch and put on a CD.

Everyone was already getting restless and we had only been on the side of the road for ten minutes. I just thought about how we would be back on the road in a few minutes. All this would soon be behind me. If only I knew what was going to happen next...

Leave The "Driving" To Us (Part 1)

2005-12-28T23:57:00.000-05:00

The end of the week approached quickly as I adjusted to life at my Mother's house. I had played a lot of card games, checked my email incessantly, and waited for the call from my boo nightly... I thought of all these things as I said good-bye to my Mom. I thought of our fights and our laughter. The smell of Burger-King was thick in the air (it was downtown Detroit afterall). I reached over to hug her before i left to get my luggage out of the back of her SUV. I told my little sister good-bye a final time before I headed home. I tried to wave as I made eye contact with my Mom but my hands were full. I hope she saw my eyes and realized how hard it was. I don't know why it was so heart wrenching for me. We hadn't had a particularly amazing time. It was a positive experience, though.

I walked up to the information desk and had my bag checked. Ecerything was going smoothly. I waited patiently in a corner for my bus to arrive. I leaned on a pillar. My bus arrived and I got in line to have my ticket checked and board the bus. I gave my luggage to the attendent and walked on with my carry on. I looked for a seat. The aisle was littlered with people putting their luggage in the overhead compartment. I picked a sear near the forward of the bus and took a refreshing breath of air as we left on time.

I started to read my new book and magazine. Before I knew it we were in Toledo. The bus driver got out of the bus and didnt return for at least 20 minutes. The other passengers started to get upset, "She is so rude!" and "If she can't get us there on time there are others without a job that would be willing to." I heard a clap of someone's hands and a chuckle from the back of the bus. She got back on quickly drove off while pressing on the horn twice. I just continued listening to my iPod and reading my book ignoring the others on the bus. Progress continued on my trip back to Muncie until an unforseen complication caused the bus (and my plans for the next 8 hours) to come to a screaching hault..

Detroit: A City of Love

2005-12-23T20:31:00.000-05:00

I love going through old photos. They are so timeless. Here is my great-grandmother. She died earlier this year. The kindest person I have ever known. She never yelled, never was rude. She was always kind. A great woman.

So, I'm in Detroit with my Mother and her family. I'm enjoying being with them, catching up with all of them, but I miss my friends, my routine, and getting lucky every night. I can't wait to get dressed up tomorrow and go watch my younger siblings sing at their church. Mostly, though, I wanna wear my new clothes and look cute.

It's such a great time of year. It really is. The baking in the house is so great. We've made a lot of cookies lately, but we're going to make some some beef stroganoff for christmass. My mom is such the caring soul, though, that she talked to Mike and they are going to use Portabello Mushrooms in my batch and flavor it that way. What an awesome idea, and what a great effort. Also!! on Xmas Eve they usually graze on shrimp throughout the night, not really ever having a main course, but because I am here they are going to make an additional dish with angel hair pasta and a type of cream based sauce with capers and everything. It's going to be delicious. I'm very excited for my Christmas.

My grades were decent this semester. 3.6 Not bad for a first semester. I am satisfied, but I am determined to score higher on my next semester. My classes should be more challenging this semester too, so I am eager to get to work on it all.

I've been keeping in close contact with my boo while I'm in Detroit. He's just so special. I'm glad I have someone like him. I've been keeping close to Natty too. I adore him, so we've been texting back and forth throughout break. Whether it seems like it from how I've been talking to Natty, I am excited for the possibility of him and Steve rooming together (and even more so for the three of us during the summer times) I think it's an arrangement, with planning, that could work out very very well.

I caught up with JoAnne quickly today. I miss her so much she's so great.

I'm not sure of my New Years Plans. You know I'm doi' something with Steven. Cause I'm makin out with him once midnight hits, just not sure where. Depends if I'm in the mood to go to a party and mingle with a crowd. Not sure. We'll do something fun and random.

Speaking of random, I have some more great pics of Steve that I can't wait to show you guys. I'll put them on my facebook as soon as I can. I left my cable for my camera in my room, and if I can't find a card reader I'm going to have to wait until the 8th to access them. No matter what, I love all of you (but I love Steven more)

Have a great Holiday!!!

Love

2005-12-19T01:26:00.000-05:00

Steven is so.... amazing. We went out tonight, and when he after he took me home we parked in my driveway. We were playing Celine Dion and gentlely making out. It was so sensual, so pure. I had half a mind to go push his head down, but I wanted to keep it special and innocent. It was beautiful. I know this seems so soon, but this is something I have never felt before. There is a confidence in this relationship. There is true love. He will be my boo forever.

Oh ! oh ! oh ! -- We went to Target to kill some time and threw a "throw pillow" up and down isles. Then I threw a bound up blanket at him and he did a little karate kick at it. lol!! It was so incredibly fun. I love when we play around. We were wrestling and talking to the cashier. lol. It was good fun. He smelled beauuuuutifullllll.

So, on my daily patrol of blogs I came across a person's blog talking about how hard it is to be friend's with mos. This really hurt me. It really annoys me how people have gay friends, and then rely on stereotypes and generalizations to characterize us. This is just as closed minded as saying it's hard to be friends with Jews because they'll always steal the rest of your Equal and Splenda packets. Come on now. It's hard being friends with people who gossip and who steal stuff, not with gays and Jews. There is a difference, you know.

Got some new dress clothes, they look hot.

I go to Detroit on Tuesday and come back the 27th. It will be great to visit my Mom, travel a bit, all that. I will miss my friends, though. Do not fear, I will be back, and ready to get to work.

I'll havea an update on my gorgeous christmas gifts soon!!

Finals

2005-12-13T15:06:00.000-05:00

Finals is gonna be a lot easier than I thought it would be. Not that it'll be easy, just that I'll be able to get some sleep. It's true, and I'm excited about it.

I can't believe that school is nearly done (for the semester at least). Woo woo. The kids on my new floor are some great peeps. So shout outs to them.

Oh, why do people, when they have a bad day complain about the gay community at BSU? I don't understand it. I mean, yes, all communities gossip and have whores and stuff, but I contend there shouldn's be a huge classification of this gay community. Communities should be based on friendship and common interests. Not just because we have the same sexual orientation. It's kinda being like Ohhhh this Asian community at BSU. There has to be a greater connectivity, I think. Oh Well.

I have to go study. Be Good!!

Studying Was Never This Fun Before

2005-12-10T13:13:00.000-05:00

Oh dear. Finals week is upon us and I have yet to engross myself in the constant studying needed. I am off to go study in a bit. I have a full week, but I can't wait until break. It'll be nice to take a break. Visit my Mom, etc.

Steven spent the night last night. Natty did too. It was a lot of fun hanging out with them. I have such a great time with all of them. I am glad I made this move, I get to be closer to all my friends. It's a great feeling to invite your boo over, spend the night with him, be free and open with your roommate, and even get along with people on your floor. I just feel very blessed.

So, I'm really excited. I can actually pull off a 4.0 this semester. I may not, but it is possible. I'm gonna continue to try hard. There are a few that are borderlines, so it really is dependent on my finals. I'm sure it'll all be good.

Christmas is right around the corner!! I need to go and make cards and send them out to everyone. It's getting late.

I updated the look of my blog. Hope 'yall like it. Changed the layout, the bar on top, my description, and picture. I was reading my description, and I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote it. Hell if I am easy going lol. I'm a positive person, but goddammit I am so up tight it's not even funny lol.

My grandparent's dog died, 16 years old. They are taking it pretty rough, and because they are moving in with us soon they aren't so sure that they can get another one. My Dad is allergic, afterall. He's encouraging them to look into dander-free dogs. I talked to Steven about it and he gave me a list of dogs that might work well. How adorable would it be to have a cute little Cockapoo or a Schnoodle running around the house *aw*

Lizzy

2005-12-04T17:57:00.000-05:00

This is Lizzy. Dolly's baby. She died shortly after birth due to malpractice. I feel so horrible. She was gorgeous, and due to a fucking drunk she's dead. Fuck him.

I've been working on my final English project. I think it's going very very well. I am so excited about it. All my classes are going well. I'm going to be doing homework most of today, but my reward will come shortly. I need to do a three page paper on the progress of my english project, figure out my spring schedule at work, study for a Math quiz, do some Math homework, study for Astronomy and Psychology.

I got some great stuff yesterday. Kyle and I decorated our room for Christmas. We put some silver wrapping paper on our door, with a huge bow, and two stockings. It's hot. The crew went to Panera Bread, my first time there, and may I say, yum yum yum. I got some new clothes, lotion, a wallet, winter jacket, and a bunch of random stuff at Target. We came back to my place and Steve and I cuddled while watching Mr. and Mrs. Smith. It was pretty cute. I'd seen it already, though.

Steve just keeps blowing me away. His level of commitment and love is overwhelming. I'm going to go to get dinner in a bit, and then go watch the housewives with the crew and my boo.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

Moved In

2005-12-03T23:41:00.000-05:00

Ohhh, a gorgeous pic of Dolly. She really is a pretty dog. Poor mommy, I hope she feels good soon.

So I moved on over to Swinford. The room is a lot nicer than my previous room. I'm really excited, cause I can live here this year, next year, and if I don't get into East for the rest of the time too. It's a pretty cool place. I'm roomin' with my friend Kyle, and we decorated our door for christmas. I decorated part of my side already, it's gonna be continual process, so I'm excited.

Steven came with the crew and shopped with us. I got him a lamb and he got me a panda at Target. He is the best. Honestly, I've had doubts about every other relationship in my life. In this relationship, though, I have no doubts. I am so secure, and happy, and it just feels right. It's great. He means a lot to me.

I'm goin' up to my Mom's place for Christmas, and I just got her gift. It's so gorgeous. Custom. One of a kind. It's hot.

I am working tomorrow with Heather tomorrow, so I need to kick it. I'll update more later. I've got a lot of schoolwork to do tomorrow. A 4.0 ain't easy boo boo.

We're Going To See Horses!

2005-11-25T23:14:00.000-05:00

So Steve and I just hung out, and I had a blast as usual. He had me offer some food for Chris, so I asked twice if he wanted anything from Taco Bell. Steven is so great. I don't get along with my brother, and he knew, and he still had me ask him to see. He's gonna be a good influence on me. I know it. We were about to watch Lion King, put it in the VCR and all that and it turns out that it was a visually impaired copy. That explains the Braille on the box. Smooth. lol. So we went to Blockbuster to check it out. Ended up getting a horribly scratched copy, and returned it to get a good copy. I was upset that they added this jank ass song to a cute part, but it was so great to watch it again. I was just amazed at how visually stunning it was for a movie in the early 90s for children. Ugh, love it. (I have a copy in the mail. I bought it. lol.) So then we started to watch The Notebook. That didn't happen though. We ended up just going for a drive. We got lattes at Starbucks (their gingerbread latte is very yummy) and then we checked out all the movies in town. I was unimpressed. lol. So he took me to see his friend's horses and place. It was so cute. Couldnt actually see the horses cause it was dark out, but it was so cute to go on a drive through the country. We talked all the way, showed up in Gaston, Camac, and even drove past JoAnne's place.

Oh! We went into the Marsh parking lot (the old Marsh) and I drove around for about 5 minutes. Parked it and everything. It was so adorable. He offered to go take me to the BMV and get me that lisence. He is so great to me. Forgive my babbling on about him all the time, but he is so great to me. So giving. So playful. I love him.

I'm gonna start finishing up my schoolwork for my break. gotta get a lot finished up! I have a B- in my psych. class, just figured it out. I am really excited. Still planning on doing the extra credit. So i can get up to 5% up. Maybe, if my next two tests go well. I could get an A- or a high B. Exciting for my GPA.

Thanksgiving Break, Thanksgiving Schmake

2005-11-21T16:21:00.000-05:00

Ohhhh the hours of work lays ahead. I won't deny I love it... especially while listening to some classic Alanis Morissette. I can't wait for spring. I am gonna have some really awesome classes. I'm trying to finish strong. It's tough to stay as dedicated as I was in the beginning of the semester. My boo is getting me an iPod. I'm so cited. That thing will be on me at all times. mmmhmmm. So if you see me jamming out on McKinley. Be forewarned.

So my english group and I are gonna be up late -- yay. We haven't even started playing with layout. Honestly, I've still need to write some of my part. I won't have time before work, so I'll have to put some together together before we meet at the library. I don't think the process will be painful, should be great to create. The main obstacle I see is that we are going to have to find the right mix of photos and information, and organizing that efficiently. Ours is not pure photos or pure text. We still need to filter our ideas out. We're working it out.

Psychology test tomorrow. I finished typing 12 pages of notes (in 10 font) last night that I am going to study from. Ya, Imma be up late, I gotta kick ass on this test. I love it. I'll let ya know how it goes.

Quite Busy

2005-11-19T20:18:00.000-05:00

Look what I found when I was scrolling through my pictures file (i really need to add it to iPhoto.) JoAnne, Sharon, and I were having a blast at JC Penny. lol. OMG what a great time. I miss me some JoAnne. I hope she is having a great time at UK.

Ok, So things have been quite busy for me lately. My English group has been meeting frequently, and I have tests and a lot of stuff that is due soon. I've been hanging out a lot with Natty the last couple days, which is great for me. It's fun to hang out with him, he's so cute. I went to the Basketball game, but I was bored out of my mind. I think it was because our seats were shit.

Me, Natty, Steven, Kyle, Mike, etc. are gonna go cosmic bowling tonight. I can't wait. It's gonna be so much fun. Steve and I gots to be on the same team, cause we'll kick some ass. Oh! Steve, Heather, and I saw the 4th Harry Potter. The midnight showing, Steve took me, and even got Heather's ticket as an early christmas present. He's so sweet. It was so dark!! I love the flick. Best so far. Heather is so great too! She's so supportive, and we share a lot of the same priorities - not big partiers .. that sorta stuff.

I work tomorrow, 11-4 so stop by to see me. Oh!! I got called in for jury duty. lol. how funny is that!? I haveta fill in some paperwork.

Oh, schedules became available today. I definitely to arrange some things because it will not work on t-th -- I have an 8 an 11 and like a 5 lol what the hell. So imma try to rearrange it. OK, so I probably should do some more school work tonight before I go bowling. Bye!

Courtesy

2005-11-16T01:48:00.000-05:00

removing my last post as a courtesy till it gets resolved.

School, Work, Cleaning, Baby.

2005-11-14T00:28:00.001-05:00

I miss Audrie!!! *hugs for Audrie* (and JoAnne as well, of course) Hopefully she is reading this on her new computer!

So, school has been pretty crazy, of course. I'm striving to finish strong. Working hard on schoolwork is hard! ;) I've been running again, and I feel great, and am proud of myself. I have had great luck with the man department lately, with getting my boo who is smart and sweet and all that. My entire last post was about him, so I won't ramble.

I spent part of my day with Natty. I was not feeling well earlier today, so I went over to his place after getting some stuff done and hung out with him. We watched some Cho, Bring It On, and Coyote Ugly. Sophisticated media, to be sure. lol. I left feeling much better, though. Not only is Natty fun to hang out with, it was good to get outta my room, and just relax for a little bit. Oh -- and Natty doesn't know how to do his hair now that it's all straight. lol. how funny.

Day before that I hung out with Steve and Kyle and all that. It was so much fun, I watched Mona Lisa Smile with Kyle (ugh, such a good movie) and went to the price is right with Steve. Oh!! I saw Caucasion Chalk Circle with Justin. It was very cute, no matter what Mike said. I thought it was good. Not great, not bad.

Imma go to sleep in a bit. cya guys!!

He Is The Best

2005-11-06T12:15:00.000-05:00

OK, so you know who I'm talking about. He's so good to me. He's the nicest, most caring person I know. Last night, I was sad because I have this job and something at the job site is giving me a horrible allergic reaction and I am itchy all over. I was really upset because I am scratching so much in some places I am taking the skin off of me, and the doctor's office is being a bitch and he quickly offered to get a second job to work for me. Completely willing to get a second job to support me because of this. I told him no, of course, but I think that just shows how he'll do anything for me, and it makes me feel so special. He's better than any anorexic queer at BSU.
So i've got lots of homework that I need to do today. So i'mma hop into the shower and get my day started.
I just want to say, I am so blessed. I have a supportive father, man, decent grades, positive disposition... I feel like I am in a great place right now.

Roomie

2005-11-04T01:47:00.000-05:00

When my roommate calls me Joshy it makes me giggle

He..

2005-10-30T10:36:00.000-05:00

He calls me his 'sweet prince,' he tucks me in at night, and he can cuddle like none other. how cute is that! just fyi.

Sleep

2005-10-28T03:33:00.000-04:00

Why can't I get to sleep on Friday nights? It's a mystery to me. I wanna go to sleep. I lay there, i just can't. I better quick, or else. I have a full day planned tomorrow.

My weekend is gonna be hella busy too, but it'll be great. I am seeing Sweeney Todd on Saturday, have a theatre meeting on Sunday, Desperate Housewives Sunday night, Studying friday night, and Sunday night, and painting all Saturday and Sunday. Hell or high water the painting has to be done by Sunday. Should be a blast. Can't wait.

My Friends

2005-10-26T01:14:00.000-04:00

*Whores Cease Whoring

Ohhh so many things I hear about people. They're all admittedly true, and it just speaks horribly to their character. Seems like BSU is littered with whores. major. I just don't understand the desire to be a total whore. I dont mess around with someone unless we've been dating for a while. It's not satisfying to me otherwise. It's always weird after. I dunno. Must be just me.

*Whores May Commence Whoring

In other news my paper on media effects is gonna be HOT! go me.

love to all my friends

Some People!

2005-10-23T03:41:00.000-04:00

ohhh my.

it's nice not having to freak out about school. Not that i hate it. just fun to have a break. Tonight I watched Bridget Jones's Diary with Steveo. very fun. Heesa bring Dolly over soon so i can take some pics of her in the leaves. It'll be cute. i don't have any pics of her in the sunlight. I did take a bunch today, though. they are hot hot hot. See! ^^

So I read in the paper the other day that the Senate voted down an increase in the minimum wage. got me pretty upset. It wasnt a large increase, only like to 6.35 over 18 months. Some concern is over small business. a legitamite concern. a more reasonable concern is people making enough to buy milk. how bout that. Of course it's not a problem for them, though. they voted to increase their own salary like 6 times in the last couple years. those bastards!! in the 20s and 30s minimum was like 8ish -- minimum may not need to be that - but it needs to float up to at least 6 bucks an hour. i have college to pay for, i have madonna's new cd to pay for, food too!! back me up senators!

so imma go make dinner for the family on sunday. it'll be really cute. im thinking pasta or something... not sure. i wanna do the whole meal. i havent cooked in forever since i live in the dorms now, so we'll see how that goes. i proposed that over fall break as a family we should go to a pumpkin patch or an apple orchard or something. that screams fall and would be very cute. so hopefully we'll make a day of it.

I get to catch up on my studying over fall break.!! imma get to work on my english project even more start sifting through more research and start reading and studying for psychology. this paper and test MUST kick it. i am totally getting a classically conditioned response of pleasure from studying. i associate it with good grades. lol. so i dont mind studying anymore. imma embrace it! lol. be good guys

dont forget -- godfather marathon on monday!!

When I Think of You.. I Touch Myself

2005-10-14T22:14:00.000-04:00

Ugh!! great song. I am lovin it.

gonna go to a party tonight - a stoplight party. how fun. but i dont have the proper colors so I am just gonna go lookin cute. I was supposed to be studying right now. lol. I'll just haveta study all day saturday and sunday. That'll be plenty. Just gotta be on task this weekend.... yes. im off to shave. be good

Fall Air

2005-10-07T12:50:00.000-04:00

OMG -- Fall is finally here -- I just can't get enough of smelling this air. It's crisp and fresh. I love it. I'm studying for my Math Midterm right now. Definitely going to bed early tonight.

Oh - Forever Again

2005-10-06T17:09:00.000-04:00

Hey -

it's me again! I am about to go leave to go to work, but I thought I should keep this up occasionally. Everybody else is doing it!!

So my school has been sucking up my life, it's true. Not that I hate it at all. I love it. I was up till 3 am finishing my english paper and then was excited when I got 6.5 hours of sleep. I feel so refreshed. life has certainly changed. I'm making new friends everyday, and getting along great with college life.

I have a new paper that is coming up -- I get to interview a person who is a freak about something and then research a claim they make or something, not quite sure exactly. sounds fun though... It always seems like my classes are synched. Once I have a test in one I have a test in three others all the same day. I have to take a theatre test soon, psychology test, Math midterm tomorrow, study for my astronomy midterm, and that english paper to work on. It's gonna be crazy, but I feed on it.

I'm a little disheartened about college students right now. It seems like so many get around so much. It honestly makes me sad. What they choose to do is their business, but I say right now, that once i find out that someone gets around or has a history of it I am just going to approach them carefully. I don't want that all up on me.

Oh, Steve's Grandpa isn't doing great. I feel really bad for Steve, I love him bunches. I hope everything turns out great.

Be Good Kids

Friends

2005-04-05T18:50:00.000-04:00

Hey Guys.

Ya, damn, its been a while. Right down to the shit though.

So, I am at school, and i'm just chilling during lunch with my friends, and they try and give me shit for going out with an older guy. Basically calling him ugly - and this guy who was laying it all down is dating a person who would get drunk everynight of the week - he hasn't lately, though, to his credit. So i said i'd rather have a guy with wrinkly balls, then date an alcoholic like you, then left. I mean, seriously, I can understand being shocked with me dating an older guy, but is it that big of an issue? I didn't realize that dating an older man was so extremely disgusting. Teenagers obsessed with looks make me sick. I hope the realize i do not intend on being nice to them until they apologize. Their behavior was completely uncalled for. I'm not just going to sit their and be made fun of.

In other news, going out tonight with Chris and JoAnne for our weekly date. I have tons of work to do, so this should be interesting. I'll prolly leave early, though. I want to run some tonight before bedtime. I totally want to get back into my routine. Get back and get toned.

be good guys

Home Finally

2004-11-09T15:32:00.000-05:00

School seemed to last longer then normal today. I have an English Test tomorrow, and a lot of work/tests on Friday, but I am avoiding stressing out. I am going to snack on something real quick, then do some of my homework. Just the usual-Math, French, and a bit of unusual homework (Chemistry) I may go out tonight. We'll see what happens. Oh, and laundry needs to be done, and I need some new clothes dammit.

Movies

2004-11-08T21:17:00.001-05:00

OK - I did my homework, and I am going to go watch a movie (Star Trek: Nemesis) for now. I need to relax a bit, so laying on my bed and watching a movie should be helpful. Other then talking to John tonight, i'll prolly just go to bed after a bit.

Getting Naughty

2004-11-08T20:00:00.000-05:00

Hey Everyone, I am starting to get naughty and go to bed at like midnight every night. So Scandalous!

I have no plans for tonight, but just about anything sounds fun, maybe especially doing nothing and relaxing, or maybe hanging out with a friend and stuff. I have no idea. It'll prolly be the former, most of my friends are mad busy with school. Thank God for my lack of commitment on school.